


Nightmare

by mayOnays



Category: RuPaul's Drag Race RPF
Genre: Two Endings, everyone thinks trixie killed herself, i dont usually write like this, i just need to like get myself in the mood to write again and this was the outcome, it had a sad ending but i hated myself for it so i also made a happy ending, katya finds trixie dead, katya thinks its murder, no one asked for this but youre welcome anyway
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-10
Updated: 2018-11-10
Packaged: 2019-08-21 16:18:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,705
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16579916
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mayOnays/pseuds/mayOnays
Summary: ‘Drag queen, Brian Firkus, more commonly known by his drag persona, Trixie Mattel, was found dead inside his house last night by close friends. The police have ruled his death as suicide, there will be no further investigation.’The internet went into meltdown.Or at least gay Twitter did.Drag queens were tweeting about how much they are going to miss their beloved friend.The LGBTQ+ community were sending their well wishes to Brian’s friends and family.And the fans were freaking out.Suicide?Trixie Mattel had just won All Stars 3, had been touring all over the world and she seemed happy.She was always smiling and laughing and joking around with her friends.None of them understood what was going on.





	Nightmare

‘ **Drag queen, Brian Firkus, more commonly known by his drag persona, Trixie Mattel, was found dead inside his house last night by close friends. The police have ruled his death as suicide, there will be no further investigation.’**

 

The internet went into meltdown.

Or at least gay Twitter did.

Drag queens were tweeting about how much they are going to miss their beloved friend.

The LGBT community were sending their well wishes to Trixie’s friends and family.

And the fans were freaking out.

Suicide?

Trixie Mattel had just won All Stars 3 and had been touring all over the world

She seemed happy.

She was always smiling and laughing and joking around with her friends.

None of them understood what was going on.

Was this some sick prank?

Trixie was known for poorly timed jokes that were weird and that hardly anyone understood, well, except for Katya.

Katya.

She was the one person that said nothing online.

_Nothing._

She didn’t post a photo like Dela did.

She didn’t post a long paragraph like Thorgy did.

She didn’t post a string of emojis like Fame did.

Even Bianca has posted on her Instagram.

A photo of herself and Trixie with the caption:

 _For the first time in my life, I’m at a loss for words. If any one of you feel alone or upset or overwhelmed then please reach out to someone,_ _anyone. You are not alone_ _.’_

Everyone phoned Katya following the news.

Absolutely everyone.

She ignored every call but kept every notification.

_**Kasha (5)** _

_**Violet (12)** _

_**Michelle (7)** _

_**Kim (20)** _

_**Ginger (16)** _

And that was only the most recent.

She turned her phone off once the texts started to come through.

The calls she could deal with because she never answered them and she didn’t hage to hear what they had to say.

But the texts?

She couldn’t deal with the ‘I’m sorry’s or the ‘I’m here for you’s.

She didn’t want them to be there for her.

Because they weren’t Trixie.

Katya couldn’t understand why Trixie...Brian...would do that.

They had plans together.

They were texting the night before about all the gigs they were going to do.

About travelling together during their time off.

About finally telling the world about their relationship.

They were happy.

They had both been through so much in their lives, but together they were happy.

So now, without Trixie, even though it only been 17 hours and 42 minutes, Katya was broken.

43 minutes.

Katya could not live without Trixie.

She wasn’t at home when it happened.

She was at a gig across town.

She stayed with Willam that night.

Katya found Trixie on the floor.

She had come home around midday and wasn’t greeted by Trixie at the door.

Katya had texted her on her way home, just like she always did.

She never got a response.

She thought nothing of it.

Kim was in town, just finishing a tour, so Trixie was most likely catching up with her old friend.

There was nothing for Katya to worry about.

That was until she went to the bathroom and found her partner’s body in a heap on the floor.

The first thought she had was that Trixie had fallen asleep whilst going to the toilet in the middle of the night.

It wouldn’t be the first time.

But then she noticed the blood.

It was pooled all around Trixie’s body.

Katya couldn’t see where it was coming from.

Katya couldn’t see anything as tears filled her eyes.

She fell to her knees.

What was going on?

She had fumbled for her phone and called the last number in her phone log.

Willam.

He had answered within the first ring because Katya never phoned unless it was a serious matter.

She only ever texted.

‘Hello?’

‘Are you okay?’ Willam had asked, when Katya didn’t respond.

She broke down.

The phone fell to the floor and she crawled towards Trixie’s body.

‘Katya?’

Trixie’s limp body shook in Katya’s arms as she sobbed.

Willam could hear Katya’s cries and mumbles through the phone.

‘Brian?’

Katya only cried harder.

‘Brian you need to talk to me!’ Willam had shouted.

The final straw for Willam was when he heard Katya throwing up.

He knew Katya had panic attacks, he had even witnessed them more times that he could count. But never had they been this bad.

What had happened?

Willam had come over less than ten minutes later and found the two Brian’s in the bathroom.

Willam had almost the exact same reaction as Katya, but the first thing he did was take Katya away from Trixie.

He took her down to the kitchen and held her.

He held her until her tears dried out and her sobs became quiet cries.

They had stayed in the same position whilst Willam phoned the police.

They had stayed there whilst the police and paramedics came.

They had stayed in each others arms whilst the police told them it was suicide.

Katya had broken down in Willam’s arms once more.

The paramedics took Trixie’s body.

The police escorted Willam and Katya back to Willam’s house.

Willam carried Katya to the spare bed where she had slept the previous night.

Willam had tried to coax her out.

Tried to sit on the bed and speak to her.

Tried to get her to watch a movie with him in the living room.

He even tried to hand feed her when she refused to eat.

Nothing he did helped.

Katya felt nothing.

She had cried for hours and her eyes stung, and her throat was sore, and her heart was heavy.

She stopped crying in the early hours of the following morning.

She was lying in bed when all of a sudden everything stopped.

Her tears dried up and her nose stopped running and even though her heart was still heavy, she didn’t feel sad.

This was how she felt all those years ago after coming down from all those highs.

Empty.

She could do anything when she was feeling this way.

So at four in the morning she got up from the bed and made her way towards the front door.

She didn’t care if she woke Willam up, because at least he got to wake up.

No.

She couldn’t let her mind go back to thinking that way.

She could only do this when she felt nothing.

She had to act fast because she never knew how long this feeling would last.

And so she walked all the way back to their...her...house in the pitch black of night.

The night didn’t scare her.

Not any more.

The only thing that scared her was the cold seeping through her toes as they padded along the pavement.

She didn’t want to feel anything.

She should have found her shoes.

It must have taken hours for her to walk the distance because as she made it to the house, the sun was rising and the sky was turning to oranges and pinks and blues.

Katya loved the mornings.

But this morning she did not.

Katya knew Trixie better than anyone and Katya knew that Trixie would not kill herself.

This was either a terrible accident or a murder.

Katya had her suspicions.

Katya unlocked the door and the coldness she felt outside was nothing to how she felt now.

This coldness didn’t just effect her toes and her finger tips and her nose.

This coldness seeped through her veins and froze her heart.

She walked through the house in silence.

Her cold feet made no noise on the fluffy carpets.

She walked to the living room and saw the TV remote on the sofa.

Trixie never left the remote on the sofa.

She walked to the kitchen and saw two dirty mugs of tea on the side.

One was white with pink hearts and the other was a cartoon drawing of the sun.

Trixie’s mug and the guest mug.

Trixie never left out dirty mugs.

Someone else was here that night.

She made her way up the stairs and looked at the photographs Trixie and her had put on the wall.

There were selfies of their trips.

Candid photos their friends had taken without them knowing.

Photos of them as Trixie and Katya.

Photos of them as Brian and Brian.

But the very last photo was missing.

It was Katya’s favourite.

Trixie was hugging her from behind, looking down at her and Katya was looking up at Trixie with pure love in her eyes and a tiny smile on her face.

That was before they were even together.

Confused, Katya makes her way towards the bedroom.

Purposely avoiding the bathroom where everything happened.

On the floor of the bedroom there were hundreds of photos.

Katya’s favourite right in the centre.

But as Katya looked at them closer, she noticed that she was cut out of all of them.

A rough hole where her face used to be.

Trixie did not commit suicide.

Trixie did not do this.

Trixie loved her.

She had never been this confused in her entire life.

She did not hear the footsteps coming closer from behind her as she collected the photos in her hands.

A hand had grabbed her from behind and she turned around in shock.

Trixie’s friend stood behind her with a knife in their hand.

‘I wasn’t supposed to kill Trixie.’ They had said.

Tears were running down their face in the same way that Katya’s own were.

‘I loved her.’ They had said.

Katya felt a pain in her leg.

A pain she had never felt before.

She looked down and saw Trixie’s friend stabbing the knife into her calf.

‘It was supposed to have been you.’

The pain came back again when they stabbed her in her knee.

She fell to the floor.

The last thing she heard were her own sobs.

The last thing she saw was the cream of her carpet turning red.

The last thing she felt was the pain searing through her leg.

The last thing she smelt was the perfume that Trixie had spilt last week.

 

‘ **Drag queen, Brian McCook, more commonly known by his drag persona, Katya Zamolodchikova, was found dead inside his house last night by close friends. The police have ruled his death as suicide, there will be no further investigation.’**

 

_ **(YOU CAN STOP READING THERE BUT THIS IS A BONUS HAPPY ENDING FOR ANYONE WHO DOESN’T LIKE THE SAD SHIT)** _

 

Katya screamed as the pain took over her whole body.

‘Brian!’ She could hear someone shouting from a distance, the voice familiar but she couldn't pinpoint it.

She felt something tap her on her shoulder, but she tried to ignore what ever it was.

‘Brian!’

The force was harder than the last time and she could feel her whole body move with the force.

She tried to open her eyes but the pain was becoming too much. She tried to answer to the voice but her throat closed up and nothing came out. 

‘Brian, babe, you need to wake the fuck up right now.’

Katya recognised the voice as Trixie's and her eyes shot open. Trixie was supposed to be dead, how was she talking to her? Did she die too? Are they both dead? Katya believed in ghosts but she didn't really believe in any afterlife. Why would she? She looked towards Trixie and noticed that she was crouched next her.

‘You fell out of bed.’ Trixie looked worried. Katya could see the stress lines wrinkling her forehead, even though the room was barely lit by the small lamp on Trixie's side of the bed.

Katya turned her head and saw that she was on the floor, tangled in her blankets. She was on her stomach, and as she tried to roll over she wondered how she didn't hit her head on her bedside table.

The same place where she…

It was all a dream.

‘Come on, lets get back to bed.’ Trixie could see that Katya was uncomfortable and she didn't want to prolong it anymore for her. She wrapped her arms underneath Katya and lifted her up.

Katya yelped in pain as her body was lifted off of the ground, and she clung onto Trixie to try and distract herself. She clenched her fists onto Trixie's tshirt as tight as she could, her teeth also clenched just as hard.  

‘Falling out of bed really does an old bitch damage, huh?’

 Katya breathed out a laugh, Trixie had always known how to make her laugh even when the world seemed to be ending.

‘I was just getting up when you fell out. It looked like you were having a nightmare. I was going to try and wake you up before you fell but I know I always make them worse when I wake you up. What was it about?’ Trixie said, gently putting Katya back on the bed. She picked the blankets up off the floor and threw them onto her side of the bed in a heap. She moved to sit next to Katya, giving her enough space to not feel claustrophobic, but also close enough so she knows she's there.

 ‘I was at a gig. I came home and you...you were dead. And then. And then. I was and you were and Willam and I was killed and I was alone and you weren’t there. And I stayed with Will and you were dead. And then I was dying-’ Katya started to panic, and the best way Trixie knew how to help was to wrap her arms around Katya and let her feel a steady heartbeat.

She always felt warm and safe in Trixie’s arms.

The brain fog of her nightmare was finally going away and everything came back to her.

She went to her gig, just like in her dream, but during her number she had fallen off the stage and hurt her leg.

She never ended up going to Willam’s house because Willam had phoned Trixie. Katya and Trixie had spent the night at the hospital.

They were there for hours waiting for doctors to examine her, x-rays to find out the damage, and even longer for the casting.

She ended up with a thigh to toe cast because of a break on her tibia and a fracture on her patella. She was given the most powerful pain killers she had taken in her life, and believe me, she had tried several in the past. 

Videos were going viral on gay twitter and all the fans were freaking out. All of her friends were calling and texting her to see if she was okay because the fall looked nasty and there was no footage of her getting back up. She had gotten Trixie to text all of her friends to tell them that she was okay, and asked her to make a tweet about the goings on, but to not make any stupid jokes because the fans would most likely take her seriously. Katya saw that Trixie had in fact posted a photograph on her instagram story of Katya on a hospital bed with her leg in a full cast, one hand covering her face whilst the other pressed her phone to her ear; she had captioned it 'She's dead...'

Once they got home, they had spent the rest of the night on the sofa cuddling under a blanket, eating ice cream and watching reruns of old movies. Trixie tried her best to comfort Katya whilst she sulked. The medication was making her more emotional than she usually was and she had cried when Trixie had given her the cartoon sun mug instead of her usual black star mug.

Trixie had carried her to bed at around three in the morning, and Katya had cried twice more when Trixie left the remote on the sofa, and knocked down her favourite photograph from the wall.

As Katya was lying in Trixie’s arms, she then realised that the pain was coming from her broken leg.

Not stab wounds.

There was no blood, there were no cut up photographs and there were no murders.

Just a failed gig, a broken leg and a nightmare.

 

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Okay yes hello i have no idea what this mess is. The first part is all in seperate sentences instead of detailed paragraphs because dreams aren't always detailed and then the happy ending is fully paragraphs because she's not dreaming anymore <\- incase you didn't understand why the writing style changed so drastically.


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